Choosing Which Words to Hold and Release
Have you ever had someone say something to you that lingered in your mind, replaying in unexpected moments? Maybe it was something hurtful, a comment that scratched at your insecurities, or perhaps it was a warm, sincere compliment that lifted you. Words have a way of imprinting themselves into our memory, like butterflies caught in a net. And for better or worse, these words shape us.
When I asked my community to share sentences that had stuck with them over the years, the responses were filled with both heartbreak and beauty. Some words were painful, still raw, easily retriggered by small, everyday moments. But then there were the phrases that were heartwarming and uplifting, the kind of words that stay with you like a quiet blessing.
We’re all composed of these impactful memories, fluttering around inside us. I don’t think we need to erase the bad and only remember the good. Rather, I believe we should let each of these memories drift freely, like butterflies in the wind. We can choose to catch the ones that serve us, letting the others pass without attaching to them.
The Sting of Hurtful Words
One phrase that has echoed in my head over the years is this: “Men only dance with you because they want to get in your pants.” I had met my husband at a single adult dance at church, but he would never dance with me after we got married. I had picked up dance again after 12 years, and he finally accepted my invitation to attend a dance social, but he still wouldn't dance with me. While I know he said these words out of envy as he watched others dance with me when he refused, the implication left a deep wound. This comment still resurfaces in my mind when I’m on the dance floor, feeling the eyes of men who seem to view me through a narrow lens. It’s as if the words hover around me, pulling me back into that judgmental space.
But over time, I’ve learned to reframe this memory. When those echoes appear, I remind myself that any objectifying looks aren’t a reflection of me. They’re reflections of the people casting them. I am a skilled dance instructor, moving with grace and presence. My joy in dancing is something I own entirely. It’s a skill and an expression that others can admire and appreciate, but it doesn’t exist solely for their gaze.
The Warmth of Kind Words
Then, there are the words that soothe and heal, memories like treasures. I recall one: “When I’m around you, I feel safe to let down my guard.” This sentence often whispers in my heart when I sit down with a stranger or reconnect with an old friend. I remember how those words made me feel valued for my softness, and they remind me that creating safe spaces isn’t just about my openness—it’s also about their willingness to share.
This positive memory has become a touchstone, a reminder of the impact of openness and acceptance in relationships. It highlights the magic that happens when two people connect deeply, each bringing their own courage and vulnerability to the table.
Choosing Which Words to Hold Close
Words float on the winds of memory, landing where they may, with the power to build or destroy. But ultimately, we decide the meaning they hold for us. Maybe the hurtful comments we recall exist to prompt self-reflection. They can guide us inwards, showing us where we need to heal or take responsibility, or where to let go of others’ projections. And the positive words? We can hold them gently, like butterflies in our hands, appreciating them for the way they touched us and, in turn, let us touch others.
Reflecting on Your Own Experience
Think back for a moment. What is one negative sentence and one positive sentence that a partner, friend, or family member has said to you? How have these words shaped you? The memories you carry might tell you a lot about who you are, how far you’ve come, and what parts of you are worth holding onto.
Words, like butterflies, come and go. But only we decide which ones to hold in our hearts and which to let fly free.
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